Saturday, March 24, 2007

John for a Week

.: After St Patrick's day was over, John came back to Santa Cruz with me.. Rocked out with him for a week and enjoyed the time.. I do miss my family and friends from time to time. John is always a good time to hang out with. We kept it pretty chill over the course of the week. He was rockin some fun trails and I was going through some tough choices in my life... So no one had any energy to go out and do stuff.

Monday, March 19, 2007

St Patrick's Day

.: St Patty's Day in San Fran with my buddy Louie, my cousin Gabi, his friends, and later on my Brother... What the else could you ask for. It was a crazy time.. Louie and I were stayin at the Hilton right off Market St and within walking distance to two Irish pubs... Holy crap, it was fun. We got up and had breakfast, started drinking, watched a parade, drank, went shopping, hooked up with my Cuz, drank, went to SFSU and hung out (drank some more), came back and rested, John came, we went back out and rocked one of the Irish pubs... Three sisters and three kewl guys, I say 'All right'... bar closed and I picked up a bottle of Scotch.. The boys went back to the Hilton and hung out as Louie told us about his curse as well as life stories... It was a great time...

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Gnothi Seauton

.: "You don't understand me!" To say you understand someone is complete nonsense. I would be surprised if anyone could say that they know themselves, let alone someone else.

.: Margo sent me a link to a the "Dalai Lama Test", which you answer a series of questions and they are supposed to tell you something about yourself. Apart from the basic flaw in the exam, that regionally the questions doing work, and they are so full of half truths that it hurts, the concept to me was a bit surprising. I saw it as a challenge to who I thought I was, as my answers weren't at all what my personal image is.

.: So why do I care about this? It doesn't hurt me at all. Or maybe it did... I questioned my self-image and came up with something on my hike in Big Basin that surprised me. I was hiking to prove that I would. I moved to California, in part, to prove I would. I changed my majors to prove to myself I would. I went to parties, join a fraternity, got hammered, did things I never thought I could, in the end to prove that I could.

.: Now when I ask people how they would describe me, I get all sorts of answers. Some people tell me I'm random and spontaneous, others say that I'm methodical and plan everything out. I guess if I think about enough, one can be both, but not at the same time. So where does that leave me in my quest to know myself... Really it leads back to the question of how can anyone say "You don't know me!" in a fight... The only answer to that is, "You're right I don't know you, I'm just trying to react and interact with you, and I thought, to this point, we were doing a good job at it."

.: So to interact with everyone, please, post in the comments or email me the answer to this: What adjectives would you use to describe me. And I'll return the comment to you (providing of course I know you and you would like me to comment).

.: To those who are wondering, I didn't get in a fight where that phrase was used. It is just the launch point for this entry.

New Fun Pictures

.: This is what happens when I'm bored at work....

Sunday, March 11, 2007

Berry Creek Falls

.: I went on a day hike today in Big Basin. I packed up my day bag and took off. I got to the trail head at noon, got a map, paid for parking and took off. In the wrong direction. What good is a map if you don't look at it? lol.. I'm a great map reader, if I read the dang thing. I ended up not doing the loop I wanted to do, and going the wrong way through the parts that did match up. But it was pretty none the less.

.: I hiked solo for a while and caught up and stayed with a guy named Gary. He was a network engineer from Chicago, out for a weekend hike as he was doing consulting work in the bay area. He's, in the end, the cause of me missing my route. But he was good company.

.: The "end goal", which I use the term lightly because the whole train is the goal, was a set of waterfalls. Berry Creek Falls was beautiful! However, the whole trip would have been better if there wasn't so many people on the trail. Not a fan of traffic on hiking trails. I spent more time worrying if I was going fast enough or how to pass people or the trail direction as opposed to the wonderful scenery all around me. Don't get me wrong, I did take it in, but not as much as I had hoped.

.: The various lights that filtered down from the enormous redwood trees just made the whole hike almost magical! I would like to go back and either do the trail I had originally intended to or the Sky-to-sea trail that takes you from the summit of some mountain all the way to the coast, some 35 miles... That would be awesome!

What A Week

.: This past week was a very tough week for me mentally and emotionally. I got sick on Monday which completely through off my week. Everyday I thought it was the previous. To add to the confusion, my supervisor got sick at work and my boss left for a conference in Las Vegas. This left me with nothing to do for a couple days. I felt lost for the entire week. I got homesick and physically sick and rather depressed over the state of everything. I wanted a clearer path to walk, but alas I couldn't find one. I fell back to some of my old vices which made me even more sad. I woke up this morning complete destroyed. Oddly enough, the bright spot of my week was today when Kelen called me to tell me that she appreciated a cd I had made her almost a year ago. I don't know why that put a smile on my face the way it did, but there I was, people watching on Pacific.. smiling away. Life is the funniest ride I've ever been on.

.: I want to put some philosophical twist on this, but I can't come up with anything...

Friday, March 9, 2007

How many cans?

Is you am a dog?
Is you got a dog?
Is you am a dog?
Hold closed the jaw.

How many cans must I stack up
To wash you out of my mind,
Out of my consciousness?
How many times must I cash out
To bring you back the check, fat
Off of my slenderness?

She says yeah,
But hes not in right now.
You pause.
You like her answer.

You know that but you go on.
You know but that you go on.

How many cans must I stack up
To wash you out of my mind,
Out of my consciousness?
How many times must I cash out
To bring you back the check, fat
Off of my slenderness,




-- Soul Coughing

The Science of Sleep

.: My aunt and I watched this movie the other day.. I just have to post it out here.. It's a great movie! My aunt didn't like it much.. but I think as a post-modern testament to authenticy, it was a GREAT movie.. (Maybe it has something to do that the main character works as a paste-up worker, a low rung on the graphic designer tree).. I think it ranks up there with Waking Life and Requiem for a Dream on the, "Damn that movie made me think" list....

Saturday, March 3, 2007

Next Step?

.: I got some money in the bank now thanks to Sticky Inc, so now the question is, where to now? Do I attempt to stay at Sticky? Do I re-apply at the local design shops? Or do I just take the money and move on to a different city where there are more job opportunities as compared to a small surf town. I know I want to be on the western seaboard, but where. Santa Cruz is nice, but is it truly home. Would San Fransisco be a better option? Seattle? I'll have plenty of money to go and just live somewhere for a couple months while looking for a job again. Or I could be happy working here for a couple years then move on if it truly doesn't work for me. If that is the choice, where should I live, cuz I can't stay living with my family forever. (Though it is nice to come home to people who care every night) How much do I want to spend on a place to live out here? Santa Cruz itz about 700 to 1600 a month + utilities and parking. I could do month by month and be safe, except I don't have any of my "living equipment" with me (ie dishes, pots/pans, things to sit on). I wasn't planning on needing them till I got a full time job. This is new territory for me, an avenue I hadn't planned for. But I guess that's life. You can't plan everything. I'm thinkin that I should have brought a couple random things though, like my frying pan, a plate, and my blankets. But this is why there is Good Will.

.: So I get to think about life some more. Who knows, maybe I'll end up in London and be really out there. :)